Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
