Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
