I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
