There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
