its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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