The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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