So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
