Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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