you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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