I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
