Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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