I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize