I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
