I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
