Pappa wants mamma naked
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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