Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
