He disabled his match.com account in front of me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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