My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
