where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
