dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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