I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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