Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
