she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
