he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
