Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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