Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
