you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
