these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
