filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
