mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
