I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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