he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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