I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
