Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
His nipple licking is glorious
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