She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
