He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
