you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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