Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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