Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
