This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
false alarm, still single
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
