just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
