You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
