Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
