I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
