he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
