the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
