Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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