who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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