Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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