Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
