i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
