Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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