Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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