this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
