My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
