Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
