I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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