the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My vagina is officially offended.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
