just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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