I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
