my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
