So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
