I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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